From Chicago to Casablanca

Even the prestigious Field Museum got into the spirit of the weekend

Even the prestigious Field Museum got into the spirit of the weekend

Well, it’s been a week since I returned from Chicago and the final three Grateful Dead concerts. The “Fare Thee Well” shows, as they were billed, were the first — and last — concerts to feature the remaining members of the band on stage together since the passing of lead guitarist and de facto heart-and-soul of the band, Jerry Garcia in 1995. And while I had a ton of story/post ideas during the shows, it’s taken a week to digest them all and get them down here on paper, so to speak.

Why so long? Because there were a lot of conflicting thoughts going into the weekend. For instance, Trey Anastasio of Phish took Jerry’s place — much to the consternation of many Deadheads…including me. In fact, I was one of the most virulent anti-Trey folks after the announcement was made. Case in point: a Facebook post I made that put the oft-used “Hitler reacts to…” meme to work regarding Trey’s selection.

But you know what? Trey won me over. He really did. Of course he’s not Jerry. No one will EVER be Jerry. But Trey’s guitar chops were wonderful and, more importantly, his spirit really rose to the occasion. Deadheads went out of their way to show him some love, to welcome him to the family, when he took his first solo during “Box of Rain” Friday night — and you could see that it really got to him. It meant a lot to him that he was being welcomed into a role filling shoes that simply cannot be filled. He knew what he was undertaking, knew he could only do so much, but he made it clear he was going to give it all he could and honor Jerry’s memory. And he did. My only complaint? He doesn’t sing so much as he talks or recites the lyrics. Small complaint, given the so-called “singing” of bonafide Dead bassist, Phil Lesh. (The less said of Phil’s crooning, the better.)

Video sidebar: Even the city of Chicago got into the celebration during Saturday’s intermission with these Fireworks (well…actually they were for the Fourth of July but who’s counting?!).

So…what of the music? Well, the seven guys on stage sounded like great musicians who love to jam and who were working on jamming together. They just need more time. I realized midway through the weekend that by the time I was of age to enjoy the Grateful Dead and their jamming they’d already been at it for 20 years. They’d figured each other out. Give these seven guys 20 years and they could get to a similar place. They won’t get that time so yes, there were a few bumps and hiccups over the course of the weekend. But did I care? No, not really.

Why not? Because it was so good to be back in the scene after 21 years away. Walking into Soldier Field I felt like the prodigal son knocking on the front door at home. And when the first notes of “Box of Rain” began to carry out into the evening sky, I began crying. Yes I did, and I’m not afraid to admit it.

Good friends, good music, good times.

Good friends, good music, good times.

Yes, I miss Jerry. I miss that sense of family that existed at every show, even during the band’s heyday following “Touch of Grey.” But after 21 years away, it was a comfortable sweetness and joy that resulted from knowing those same feelings evoked by the Grateful Dead, by their music and their shows decades ago, were still available if we only put a few pieces together — good tunes, good friends, good vibes — and remember to answer in the positive when the song asks, “All I want to know is are you kind?” In fact, percussionist Mickey Hart’s exhortation after the final encore Sunday night summed up what made the weekend — and what should make up all of our futures: “The feeling we have here…remember it. Take it home and do some good with it. I’ll leave you with this: Please, be kind.”

In August 1995 I drove around Montana and British Columbia on vacation, listening to Dead shows on my cassette player in my truck and getting teary-eyed over Jerry’s passing on the ninth of the month. (My mother called me at work that morning to inform me; I couldn’t help but see her smiling at me last weekend as I danced for three nights — she always enjoyed hearing me explain what the band and the music meant to me.) Two decades later, I realized Jerry is still around. We’ll always have those tours, that music, from way back when.

It occurs to me that last weekend I felt like Rick Blaine. I got to see my old love, briefly, but it was enough. In the years we’d been apart, I’d lost it — lost it until four close friends I’ve never met recruited three other impeccable musicians and brought them to Chicago. I got it back last weekend. Here’s looking at you, Grateful Dead. Thanks for the music.

A Cruel Mistress

For a whole host of reasons — all of them horse shit so I won’t go into them here — I haven’t been in or on the water much lately. Every time I hear that Counting Crows (remember them?) line, “Been so long since I’ve seen the ocean…I guess I should” it hits home — until I realize I live about a quarter-mile from the waterline. At which point I feel even more pathetic. It’s a wonderfully vicious cycle.

But for that same whole host of reasons — all of them still horse shit so I still won’t go into them — I’ve been making an effort to improve several aspects of my life. And that includes prioritizing water time. That should be the priority for a Pisces, shouldn’t it?

What’s been sobering is that it hasn’t been easy. Well, the actual getting out and DOING those ocean-centric things has been; I’ve been motivating fairly well (see above re: “horse shit reasons”). No, what’s been difficult are the actual acts of sailing and surfing, usually two things that are Zen-like in their mental aspects (at least for me).

Take yesterday, for instance: I went down to San Diego to watch a regatta of schooners go by on the bay as part of a race. It was cool to see these majestic boats cruising past on the breeze that was rolling over Point Loma and down San Diego Bay. Wait, what? Wind? In San Diego?! That’s right: actual freakin’ wind! After the schooners had gone past I motored over to Mission Bay where I rented a 16-foot dinghy and went out to enjoy that same wind.

And enjoy it I did…but it took a while to get there. Tacking out of the basin where the rental boats are tied up, I unfurled the headsail only to have the jib fairlead snap. Whoops. About face…back to the dock. The guys set me up on the other 16-footer and off I went again. Several quick tacks and voila! Past the rock jetties and out into Mission Bay.

I tacked my way up toward the broader, windier part of the bay. And plenty of other people had the same idea: there were tons of sailboats of all sizes, several kiteboarders (including one guy on a foiling board who kept getting yanked clear of his foot straps), a few sailboarders (didn’t know anyone still sailboarded) and the rest of San Diego’s water aficionados: SUPers (both good and beginner), jet skiers, water skiers, booze cruisers, cops…you name it. Hell, out of sight around the one island there was a rowing regatta. It was like both directions of a busy Southern California freeway with none of the lanes drawn on the pavement. Thankfully, nothing drastic happened while I was out there. More damage to the ill-maintained dinghy (topping lift broke and several of the plastic mainsail cars slipped out of the track on the mast) but nothing major.

What was really frustrating, though, was my seeming inability to read the wind. Performance? Hell, I was just trying to keep the sails trimmed not TOO horribly. I mean: there were times it felt like I couldn’t even tell what the hell point of sail I was on.

But before my rental was up and it was time to return to the marina, there were one or two instances where I actually DID get into a groove: the sails trimmed properly, the boat heeling just SO and the hull slicing through the water with a sense of purpose. In those moments it felt like the boat was smiling just as I was.

My return to surfing this weekend was painfully similar. Friday night after work I jumped into the water for a sundown session. The waves were fine: fun, big enough for a heavy guy like me to have fun, not too many people out. Could I catch a wave? Nope. My paddling was anemic and my judgment worse. It finally got so dark that I was the only person left in the water and that still didn’t help. I managed to get worked by a couple of clean-up sets and finally said “to hell with it” and just rode in, prone on my board.

Saturday morning wasn’t much better but at least I wasn’t worried about being stuck out there after it got dark. Of course, it was the weekend so not long after I got into the water, several fat guys on SUPs and even more old guys on longboards paddled out, just to make the maneuvering that much more of a challenge. I managed a couple of rides — none remotely special — and called it a day. I figured I’d go check out the schooners in San Diego…that would be awesome right? You’ve read about that already…

And this afternoon I went to the beach figuring I’d just read a bit and soak up some more sun. As I pulled into the parking lot a bomb set broke on the reef and a rider in each direction enjoyed a great ride. The chair and towel stayed in the car and I paddled out to join the half-dozen guys (a shockingly low number for this particular break) in the lineup.

The swell was solid with occasional sweeper sets that caught everyone off-guard, but other than those the tide made for funky paddling. The waves would stand up and then ledge out in front of you so there was no way to get onto the face and ride. It was a frustrating spell but after paddling for, and missing, a few waves I found myself farther inside. I paddled off to the shoulder of the reef sets and sat for a bit.

And then, what to my wondering eyes should appear (to coin a phrase)? Another of the very infrequent wide sets, perfectly lined up for yours truly with no one else around. A quick spin, a couple of quick paddles and UP! to my feet, driving for the drop-in…just in time for the wave to suck out. The sloping wave that was there a moment ago disappeared and I wound up ass-over-teakettle at the bottom of the sea.

But I’d found my spot for today. A quick paddle back and there was another wave bearing down. I got into this one quicker than the last wave and moved down the line before the section disappeared and enjoyed a high-speed, weaving sleigh ride before the wave shut down. A few more just like that and my frustration from the previous two outings was gone.

I don’t know if the ocean was making my pay dues for having been elsewhere (mentally, emotionally, physically and any other way possible) for the past few weeks, but I do know that this happens every time I’m away from the ocean for very long without a legitimate excuse (injury, illness, living in the high country, etc.). You can draw your own conclusions.

North! to Alaska…again

When I lived in Alaska, landing at SeaTac on the way back home was like arriving on the front stoop of my house. Most flights to Anchorage run through Seattle (with some exceptions, of course) and parading through the concourse there always made me realize that I was just one flight — three-and-a-half hours or so — from being back in the Great Land. And that felt good.

So when I landed here a few minutes ago — for the first time in three-and-a-half years — it was comforting to have that same feeling well back up within me. I enjoy my life in San Diego. And I still plan to sail away to the tropics at some point. But I’m a northerner. A FAR northerner. Alaska and New England, of course, but also Montana and Idaho, and even places I’ve visted such as Scotland, northern Norway and Iceland — these are the places that feel like Home.

And while I’m sick about the reason for my first return to Alaska since I left in April 2011 (a funeral for a wonderful friend, Carol Phillips), I am very much looking forward to landing in Anchorage a few hours hence. And then seeing “the light that breaks upon the day” tomorrow.